i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't deserve a penis
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
