I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
