She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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