nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
