So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
