Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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