It's Friday. Sex?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
