I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
