Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
