My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
