Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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