dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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