Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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