i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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