hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
