We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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