He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
