when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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