But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
