people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
