he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
