let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
