my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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