I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
