can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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