Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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