is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
