i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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