I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize