Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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