in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
