Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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