We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize