Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
