Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
