Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
