You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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