soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize