He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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