And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
