Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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