No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
