she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
