so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
