Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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