After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
