white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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