Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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