You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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