So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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