dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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