it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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