I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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