The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
