I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
