I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
