Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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