So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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