My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
