Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You may now shotgun with the bride
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
