I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
