My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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