Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish my penis had a tongue
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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