last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
