ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
