with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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