put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
